And the Jerk of the Month award goes to...

Yeah, I'm in a bad place, and this dear readers, is a rant. I would NOT recommend reading this one. Ni untuk syok sendiri only;

Now if you’ll be so kind as to pardon my butchering of the language, I’d like to get on with this. I haven’t written in a while, but even so I honestly don’t know how else to get this off my chest without sounding like a whiny, overly-sensitive she-male to whomever may be unfortunate enough to be my shoulder to cry on. But not you, you non-judgmental, cold computer with your motherboard heart and 4Gb soul; you won’t say a word, will you? ­­­­So that’s why I chose you, now kindly shut up and listen.

 It’s just so damn typical, isn’t it? How the girl always goes for the athlete, or the bad-boy, or the meat-headed six-pack toting supermodel. Why don’t they ever go for the genius, the nice-guy, the hipster or any other person who won’t leave them hanging high and dry when the going gets tough? And when that DOES happen (and it will) who do they go looking for? Those deserving, though pathetic fools staring up from the bottom of the friend-zone pit who can’t reciprocate because they’ve been rendered too numb by having sat through the same obscene scenario with their eyes taped open, time and time again. Look at me, trying to rage-type my problems away like some plus-sized thirteen year old on the WoW chatrooms. Look in the mirror, jackass; what have you become? This is your own fault, you know? You’re not allowed to say those things because you had them coming. She was nice, and sweet and thoughtful and adorable and a hundred million different things your parents would have loved. And even though you wouldn’t admit it, you looked forward to her texts; how she baby-toned your name as she said it and how her replies were always twice as long as yours no matter what you typed. Don’t lie; don’t say that you didn’t appreciate how she made you feel and how you wished you could do the same. But you didn’t; not couldn’t, but didn’t. Because, jackass, since you couldn’t grow a pair and man up, to risk everything for someone who had done the same, to which you turned your back to her and left her out in the cold, with only the slightest glance of offering her warmth and shelter; you deserve this! Go ahead, excuse yourself by saying that you didn’t say it back because you wanted to save both of yourselves, that you wanted to focus on getting your degree or whatever other bulllshit you want to hide behind. But everyone can see it, they can sift through the smokescreen and see the real truth behind every shaky word of your cowardly lies. You didn’t put that tear-invoking emotional distance in between because you didn’t want to give her false hope, you did it because you were too big of a coward to come closer and whisper in her ear ‘I like you too’, like any decent 9 year old could do. Now you’ve gone and done it, now she’s being swept off her feet by some nicotine drunk jerk who may not treat her as well as you wish you had; but hey, at least he had the balls and the courtesy to talk to her like she should have been talked to. Now you’ll never get that feeling again. No more cutesy texts to take away your aches at the end of a Hellish day, no more kind words or reminders telling you to pray and no more persistent attempts to get you to spend time with her because they were all met with deadpan responses and harsh tones. What is wrong with you?
 And here’s the real kicker; she liked you. But what did you do with that? You tell me, genius. It’s too late my friend, you’ve missed her, and now she’s with that bunch of jokers. And what if she turns into one of their girls; those obnoxious duck-faced ones who don’t even bat an eye to guys like you? Well, maybe if you had been there to begin with, that may not have happened. Congratulations, this is all on you. Face the fact, you’ve become what you’ve always turned a crooked eye to; one of those egotistical womanizers who take girls like her for granted. And now you may as well have lost her. Don’t go whining to anyone about it, either, because you lost that right when you mistreated that sweet little girl in order to hide from the chance of being hurt, even when you knew she would do no such thing. Now you worry about her, so what? You want to ask her what’s wrong; but you can’t think of the right words, as you know she wouldn’t answer because she hates your guts now, and who wouldn’t, after being hurt like that. You once made her cry, and there’s no going back from that. Nothing you can do can make this right, and no prayer can save you now. The best thing you can do is to be nice to her, and let her be happy. Let it go. Don’t say you told her from the start, you might as well not have. That’s like giving a ten-second head start in a foot-race when you know you’re going to eventually run her over in a monster truck. You did two things wrong; you didn’t give her a chance, and now you’re asking her to give you a second one. Now she won’t, because she’ll never know, because you covered it up too well. Take a bow, exit stage right.